2004-03-01 - 1:10 a.m.
Don't waste your time at the passion of God. Jesus did not have 55 gallons of blood. The one scene with Mary seeing a little baby Jesus almost made me cry but then somebody behind me farted and it smelled like Frito Lay Bean Dip. The best part was at the end of the movie during the credits when some lady stood up in the third row during maximum silence when everybody was still in their own worlds thinking about the movie and shouted "See what he did for you, now do you believe in him?" I hope that lady is not on my commuter route. She is the type of person who might find out that milk has risen back up to 2.52 a gallon and start cursing on a cell phone and run me off the road.
Tonight I went to a racetrack and interviewed some gamblers with a digital recorder. One of the guys was playing three machines at the same time. He had this pattern down and looked like the Wizard of Oz, he was sweating frantically. Constant coins coming into the little dish but he was still probably losing. I lost 7 dollars and then slid down the rubber part of a two story escalator, I was probably doing 25 and I lost control and fell down near a trash can. The guard instead of taking my arm and leading me into a little smokey room for dissentors, just laughed and asked if I was ok. He has probably seen it a hundred times before, some drunk guy trying to impress his girlfriend.
I was on a fourth date with a girl I haven't yet kissed, once I accidentally touched her breast while reaching for a Matmos cd and dweebily said "oh sorry, sorry, sorry." A couple months ago I somehow coerced a beautiful girl into a movie. When she got into my Escort I smelled something terrifying. I said thinking it was me, "Oh sorry, I didn't have time to shower tonight," though I did I had scrubbed myself pink as a pig. Later at the movie I kept smelling it and realized it was her. She had done the frigidity tuck maneuver in an attempt to stymie the sticky stench and it did work enough for me to concentrate on the movie again. A successful tuck.
Before we got to the movie we stopped off at a convenience store with a Timbuktoo coffee add on. The girl making the coffee looked familiar like a girl I have seen who used to work at Caseys. She said no but has a mother who works at Kum and Go on NW86th. My date was waiting in the car, later I would find I had left my car door open in my desperation for coffee. As the girl behind the counter was waiting for the freshly ground beans to flavor the carefully and painfull small pitcher by small pitcher poured water, her friend a customer dared a rather ugly girl portly and under 5 feet tall with an overbite to kiss my coffee girl. Without any hesitation whatsoever they started making out for at least 10 seconds, it was the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my 15 years of regularly frequenting such places.
