2004-04-22 - 3:06 a.m.
Just caught wind that a magazine they call Blender has summed up 50 song disasters. These choices are horrible b/c they fail to recognize that rock has always been mostly about nonsense and having a good fucking time. The stupider the song, the easier the pounding rhythms can spark the pelvis into working for the species. An uninterrupted rhythm with some oohs, ahhs and silly rhymes slackens up the brain from questions like "will I actually be able to pay for these kids should this cheap Frech Tickler break?" The Grand Old Party was behind bringing rock and rap into existence. Kids think that they are rebelling but they are feeding the system. The more kids and STD's equals more dollars for somebody in a tie who will be acting in flannel come e(l)(r)ection time.
Leading the lists is "We Built this city" by Starship. This song along with "Sara" have been the two efficient sails of my life. I have long chaste after a girl named Sara Cera or Sarah (I'll take whatever I catch) it is like Petrarch's lovely Laura but more modern, instead of mead nights it's Shlitz and instead of coitus interuptus it's man control pills that destroy the motitlity of me sperms. I have to say that all of the Sara's I've met, they have either had bunion problems or had charming premature hair loss diseases. Once Sarah that I liked had a good set of cancer free tits but then her voice kicked in and it was Fran Drescher with a 20 year history of Marlboro Reds.
Without Starship we wouldn't have gotten lyrics like "if you don't give a damn, don't throw up," or "everybody in da club gettin' titz." Songs should be able to set a nice background for fuckin' or thinking about fuckin', the organism focusing all of it's resources together to do some beat driven fuckin'. Songs should be silly too or maybe that goes without saying but what goes without saying, goes without saying. I disagree with that list except for "sounds of silence," a serious song, so it is a bad song.
If they wanted to pick bad songs, they should have picked more rock ballads. Those slow, (pointless) songs that don't encourage couples to take action. Much much worse than lust, they they try to appeal to emotion. (Barf)
I read an article not too long ago about how it was no coincidence that Shindler's List and the Greatest of guns N Roses were issued the same week. Like the Holocaust, we must remember so it doesn't happen again.
