2004-06-06 - 1:57 a.m.
Earlier tonight I was in a convenient store and saw a mike's hard cranberry lemonade and could remember the taste of sorrow itself. I drank this nasty neon red drug almost every night for two weeks in November 2003 watching final leaves falling down and was horrified to know that I had never known such deep sorrow. It's no longer possible to return to my happy naivete because my view of everything changed in November.
Now I can only see action as being part of a large project. I see everybody acting in ways that they cannot control. I had to erase sorrow before it erased me/bio and I found a way but for this to be I can no longer trust nobody.
I wrote this in November to avoid harder and more rewarding work.
Hear them shout and watch them bleed,
from this corner lie shadows of the need
It�s on T.V. and it�s on all screens
It�s in the songs
It, used to make, a lot of well suited comments
it�s simply the voice within a voice
Let a strange gaze come to claim
another little seed for the future
partially sponsored by you too
a pop star can lose control and must occasionally hint at the tool
in an arena near a river that competes for some ocean
those on stage cannot wait to join the audience,
it just feels right
how upset became your face last night
when we began to ignore anonymous
units that might have honestly assessed objects
amid sharp words like retarded, wan and ill.
In my neighbors basement people are smoking and drinking coffee
sitting on rickety folding chairs in a damp room
rebuilding their trust in the sun
I relinquished my hope that she would save me from myself.
I've been listening to Neon Golden by the Notwist and one song is really stuck in my head. It goes "You're the color, you're the movement and the spin. Why can't it stay with me the whole day long. Fail with consequence, lose with eloquence and a smile."
