2005-12-08 - 3:45 p.m.
"Do you seriously believe that anybody is reading this?" "No." "Then why do you continue to slave away on the intertext?" "Because I am positive that nobody is going to be reading this." I suggested to my wife that she take a break from her essay so we could do some Christmas shopping before the rush.
On the way into town, one radio commercial said "Drink milk, dairy is vitality, remember Cal Ripken, he never missed a game" Yeah, and he never took advantage of the Oriole Organization either I thought to myself.
"Remember when the idle was set to high in your sisters car, oh how she'd curse the other drivers. I hated her a little bit back then. But now that I finally got my way and am seeing you, I seriously think we should consider getting her a green Dodge Intrepid." My wife said, "Well that's certainly what she is dear, she's Intrepid, but oh damn me, she is also a little capricious, so please do not buy her that Caprice." "It doesn't matter what we get, she'll probably crash it, whatever it is." Then we laughed the familiar easy laugh of toil-free aristocrats.
Ten minutes later, we walked hand in hand to the dealership and the salesman said "Hey folks, how are you, mind if I Ram you today." I thought to myself that the problem with mean people is that they forget to keep their phonographs running at all times. But I felt better knowing that usually in real life, these kinds of comments are not permitted, after all this is no movie or dream. In the end, somebody has to uphold the moral fabric, keep the courtesy, quit punning around at the expense of others and cut to the meat of the sale.
Then the dealer went on a religious tirade. "What everybody forgets about God is that he was a lazy brown faggot. After the six days of work, he became lazy. He then told us that he was glad that God was dead. He continued, "But in parts of the South, God is like undying slime, just when you think this is the final scene, some confused poor man starts giving him CPR again. Then before you know it, God's back on the Ventilator." I could see my wife turning from pink to red and getting wet with sweat, her strongest roots are in the deep south.
We wanted to purchase the Intrepid, get the paper chain rolling because we were already about five minutes late for our Bible study group, I could see my wife chewing her lip which she did when she was offended or in a hurry but he kept ranting. "Time might as well be divided into before and after Burger King for all I care." My wife asked, "Why not Taco Time." He responded very quickly and his voice was reaching fever pitch, "You've seen what all those beans and cheeses do, makes you lazy, what kind of backwards culture takes Siestas." I had never really thought about this but he had a good point. We both nodded with him about the Siesta part and realized that the exits were locked and we were trapped in the show room with him. The man was so angry I began to wonder if he might have a gun in his jacket. Then he switched topics completely and commented how he heard all the stars were wearing loafers to this years academy awards, "it's in fashion" he added.
I asked if we should go with the Intrepid or the Ram and he said, "You get back what you put in to it, you dumbass." After telling him what a rude man he was and wondering what kind of company would hire somebody with his attitude to represent them, We asked to be let out and he obliged. Before leaving he gave us his business card which my wife tore up right in front of his face.
