2006-05-30 - 12:10 p.m.
"Got Acid?" PETA Slams Toad Lickers
By Brian Briggs
Norfolk, VA - On the heels of their "Got Beer?" program which discouraged the use of dairy products, PETA announced today their new "Got Acid?" campaign. PETA hopes to slow the resurgent popularity of licking toads for their hallucinogenic properties.
A PETA spokeswoman went on to explain that toad licking is often traumatic, harmful, and sometimes fatal---For the toads. "Instead we find LSD is a much better animal free alternative. We know the toad licking lobby is powerful, but the message needs to be heard."
PETA has been setting up booths on college campuses nationwide from which they distribute informational pamphlets and samples of acid. "We put the LSD on these little toady stickers. Now you can lick the toad without harming an animal. Isn't that just adorable," said PETA volunteer Yolanda Wright. The pamphlets encourage people to find out the position of both local and national candidates on toad licking before casting their ballot in November.
From the swamps of south Florida, toad licker Francis Franklin said, "PETA is spreading more lies. Toad licking lets people commune with nature, and when done properly doesn't harm the toad. LSD just doesn't give as intense hallucinations as toad licking. PETA can take my toad away when they tear it from my cold dead lips."
Franklin proposes more education on the proper techniques of toad licking, instead of an outright ban. "We must get to children early because bad habits are hard to break."
