2013-03-10 - 10:59 p.m.
Taking water with coffee
I spent a good part of my late twenties in a state of constant caffeine confusion. I say caffeine, because like any true addict I didn�t split hairs when it came to the source: Tea, coffee, chocolate, theophylline�it was all good in the hood and had pretty much the same effect. As a result, I was not well nourished and I didn�t exactly �flourish�.
Now, many people might scoff and say �Caffeine! Please, there are bigger fish.� Naysayers, please allow some biography. You see the members of my family are genetically odd, nervous folks with heart-rates rivaled only by that of hummingbirds and other large insects. We descend from a strange lineage whose mostly skeletal bodies cannot breakdown the dark energy potential of the bean.
I have long heard stories of people who drink a cup of coffee and then go to sleep. This was never an option for me. If I were to drink one cup of coffee past 9 in the morning, you might as well tape my eyes open for the night. Despite knowing my limits, it took a long time to learn to accept them. With caffeine, there is a lot of peer pressure and external cues in the environment to say �there�s nothing wrong with this activity.�
It could be my own subjective visceral experience speaking here, but I am fairly certain that in 20 years, people will look back on the coffee culture of the 2000�s like people in the 1980�s look back at those 1960�s ads of doctors telling pregnant mothers to smoke because it�s �good for the baby too!� In other words, all of those controlled double blind scientific studies about how coffee is heart healthy will be proven a cauldron of lies. I have always suspected that these scientists are working for Starbucks or Seattle�s best. Perhaps they are just Seattle scientists with keys to the city.
I have tried moderation with the thought that by quitting coffee altogether I would be throwing the baby out with the bath. Apparently, this issue is a slippery slope for me�there is not dimmer switch zone when it comes caffeine. All or nothing�like the standard light switch or going into a donut shop with
I tried to quit coffee 100 times before I finally succeeded. They say the sky is always darkest just before dawn. I wouldn�t know because I was never awake before 10 in the morning. Each time I was convinced that this would be the last cup. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions and then, after another sleepless, dreamless night, I would hop on that dangerous treadmill of death again�first thing. My darkest days would go like this:
Up and at �em by 10 a.m. Giant cup of coffee. Feel super good for about 1 hour with superhuman focusing abilities, then start to feel irritable and get in an increasingly dark, despairing mood. What�s the answer for the oncoming dark mood? Another cup of coffee. So between 2 and 3 p.m. have another cup of coffee, and feel pretty good, although not nearly as good as that first cup. Try to go to bed around 10 pm. Toss and turn until 4 in the morning and then get 6 hours of restless, dreamless, non-restorative sleep and start the whole process over again with the waking mantra �Well, here goes another damn day!�
I have quit coffee for 5 months now. The sky is blue. Bird songs�more intense. I have exactly 3 times the energy I did before. Will I go back? This is always the danger� one must always be vigilant. What is my solution for this scourge of society?: I propose A support group for the �born again.� But wait, what will people drink in those little Styrofoam cups at the meetings.
