2013-06-23 - 5:11 p.m.
Satirical Cover Letter to a Potential Employer in a world of thieves and political reprieves
"Hey, if you're looking for a flexible employee who is not expecting too much...well I am your guy. I come from a long line of scabs and generally shrinking violet type characters...you know, good milk-drinking, Midwestern Christian types...content to live lives of quiet desperation. I can undercut the competition. If you have somebody who demands 18.00 dollars an hour, heck, I am willing to work for 3 dollars less. I'd make an excellent manager b/c I've read a lot of books and I just really know what makes people tick. Knowing what makes people tick I am thus able to work my manipulative tentacles into employee essences and extract out any residual productivty that has not already been extracted from shopping, movie watching or any of the other celebrations of freedom. Hire me, you won't regret it, but you'll so soon forget it!"
Brian Michael Brooks the III (we trace the family origin back to a long line of people who were condemned to live by streams because we were not comfortable with the norms of neither burgh nor hamlet: namely the stuffy convention that called for "wearing clothing to disguise the unmentionables."
