2016-03-19 - 10:25 p.m.
Went to the woods for some botonizing. Will return in ten minutes. Thanks! Mr. _______________
Sorry honey, I put all our savings into Beanie Babies.
Part of why I figured surfing would suck was because I have been surfing the internet most of my life.
Hey, does anybody else guzzle olive oil?
Stay strong, stay mucho fuerte. Guzzle petroleo de olives.
Dear google, I am hopelessly hooked on tuna fish, please send help
Signed "hooked on tuna" Pittsburgh, PA
I can't wait to go to Japan this summer! I will write kenji for the sake of writing and drink rice wine all day long.
I can't wait to go do some paddleboarding, and that is not an advanced ISIS interrogation technique.
Let us sing a song with a lisp
Stray dog soup
one clove garlic
diced carrots
one bouillon cube
three cups diced stray dog
simmer until stray dog meat is tender
season to taste
Stray cat soup
one cat without rabies
2-3 cups of cat
celery
one bouillon cube
Gym sock sauce
2 tube socks—wrung out after a good sweat
tube sock juice (2-3 Tablespoons)
one key lime wedge
Amniotic Fluid Soda Pop
Two words that don't work: German Cuisine
Sausage, beer, cheese
Oh Dear God, please! (bitte) (bittuh)
And so you came through the clouds in all your glory. What time will your silver steed be touching down at D.F.W.?
You may not be a cat, but I'll pause, just for you.
I refuse to espouse the merits of marriage!
Are you a people pleaser?
Are you an approval addict?
It's not hard to be religious when you're as uncoordinated as I am. I mean I spend a lot of time on my knees.
I grew up in an underserved area. I mean there weren't enough brunch places to meet my needs.
I'm Ferdinand Not Saussure things will be ok.
My plan? Uhmm...yeah...ahhh... my plan is to lay by the river, resting like a domestic cat ensconced in safest pretend living room, listening to wind whistle through branch and bush, although, this may not yield dividends.
Great! I have to pay taxes! That's just terrific!
I thoroughly enjoy jazz. I find that it ennervates the soul, all the wile under-girding the elusive faculty of taste.
I used the morning, and the afternoon used me.
No, I have not herd about the elk? Tell me more.
His hair and beard looked bad. Like he got it cut by a macaque monkey.
Q: What did the hirsute man say as he went through the express at the grocery store?
A: hurry up, I'm feeling harried here.
Not sure where I went awry on this bread recipe.
I'm biding my time, not my tongue.
When I see somebody in wrinkled clothes and/or jogging pants, I go out of my way to say "hey, nice of you to dress up!"
Q: have you read Marx yet?
A: no, but I've been sitting in wicker chairs.
The word community has been debased beyond repair. How do I know? Because I just heard a news peace where they spoke earnestly about "the midwifery community." Yeah, I'm out.
Funny teaching phrase to use and re-use: "Hey __________, cool your jets!"
Don't mind him, he's wired differently than you.
Yes, I'm willing to sacrifice my dignity at the altar of the joke.
"We sell craft beer here."
"I'm sorry, did you say crap beer?"
Beauty is average and mostly fascist.
I get most my stuff through the five-finger discount
My shirts are usually 100% off.
There are more stars out tonight than there are ________________ in Thailand.
You can't spell responsibility without a response. But I have no response and no ability.
South Korea is the most wired country in the world and also has the most suicides in the world.
I'm a perfectionist trapped in a slob's body.
I put the organ in organization. (Allow for one PG-13)
Lo siento, I'm late, had a small el bano emergency.
Whenever I leave a bathroom and somebody is waiting in line I always preface the moment by saying..."I didn't do it."
OMG, I went into the women's bathroom the other day. The men's staff bath is like a prison cell. Bare. Smells. Dark. Dirty. Then I went into the female bathroom and there's a picture of a french horn on the wall. There's scented lotions and special soaps. I walk in and there is actually soft music playing. There's a skylight. It was like heaven.
