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2016-12-09 - 11:42 p.m.

Iowa is Japan without the density. It's also a cousin of Hawaii.

The geologist studies the sediment layers of his Milky Way candy bar. The Cambrian caramel deposits. Teeth breaking down like mountains against the peanut boulders.

The biologist on his cell phone again.

There is a proper order to doing the following things: eating a burrito and blank.

Mrs. Understood is less of a spouse and more of a superego.

The pizza I ate at that pasta shop in North Oakland with the Gorgonzola and broccoli was good, but it wasn't stick-your-blank-in-the-dirt-level-good.

How could getting a live scan have so suddenly
turned into an erotic adventure?

My blog about the peanut butter chronicles was a
fail. "Tales of one wayward peanut lost in a world of diverse creams."

Cross your legs and hop to fly.

Closure? If you're blank, there's no closure.
Closure is a luxury. When you are blank, your life
is less a narrative and more an endless series of
random disconnected events. Choose to be amused.

Being a teacher in the Silicon Valley makes me Silicon Valley trash.

If it's illogical, is not that just good science?

The same variety of dbag that smothers his car with Tap Out stickers is the same variety of dbag that used to slap No Fear stickers about, likely adhering them to his Big Johnson T-shirts.

When did the corporate ladder become a blank-stained rope?

In teaching, there is no off switch, but there is a dimmer called Pinot Grigio and brioche!

You don't have bad karma son, what you have are called bad habits. Whereas your karma does not exist, your odious habits persist.

I don't frequent Starbucks for the simple reason that I was breast fed as a tot and subsequently lack displaced infantile needs for things like "a skinny" and "please hold the whip."

Inflection matters:
I build homes
I build holmes!

Ted Talks about the need to disrupt the many inefficiencies of childhood.

Eating garlic is a bootcamp for the gums and that
little speedbag that hangs down from the roof of the mouth.

When students ask me if I ever smoked the P,
I always resolutely respond in the neg.
but then I get the giggles
followed by a case of the munchies.

When a second grader seriously asked me
if the moon was made of cheese, I had a come
to Jesus moment and I knew we would never
catch up to the Chinese.

The factory was rezoned or blessed. Instead today,
they are serving up artificial ham covered over
in glistening greens.

Second class citizens with their droids that rhyme with something you occasionally get, but never want, and you know an Apple insider had the last laugh on that one.

At the Hotel Paradox, the recycled wood is there to hide the fact that the place was built yesterday and is really more of a non-place.

When I saw those two ladies texting while riding
horses, I knew things had changed.

 

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